Death Of A Child
Is It Normal To Grieve?
Grief is essential in order to accept the death and carry on with your life. If you do not allow yourself to grieve you may keep the symptoms bottled up inside which may cause emotional or physical problems later on. Working through your grief can be very painful but will make a great difference to your future emotional and physical wellbeing. This is particularly important for brothers and sisters of the child.
What Are The Stages Of Grief?
There is no right or wrong way to grieve and each person must be allowed to go through their own process with the support of the rest of the family. However, most people experience some of the stages of grief listed below:
- feeling emotionally numb. This can last a few hours or days.
- the numbness may be replaced by a deep yearning for the child who has died. You may experience mood swings, feeling agitated or angry, and find it difficult to concentrate, relax or sleep. You may feel guilty, dwelling on arguments you may have had with the child or on emotions and words you wished you had expressed.
- depression, sadness, silence and withdrawal from family and friends. During this time, you may be prone to sudden outbursts of tears, set off by reminders and memories of the child.
- over time, the pain, sadness and depression starts to lessen. You begin to see your life in a more positive light again, although you may never completely overcome the feeling of loss.
- the final phase of grieving is letting go of the child who has died and moving on with your life. This helps any lingering depression to clear, and your sleeping patterns and energy levels return to normal.
Following the death of a child parents often feel guilty or responsible in some way, remembering things they wish they had or had not said or done. This is a normal part of the grieving process but if these feeling become overwhelming it may be helpful to seek the advice of a counselor.
Do Children Grieve In The Same Way As Adults?
Children are aware when a loved one dies, particularly a brother or sister, and they feel the loss in much the same way as an adult. They will go through the same stages of grief but may do so more quickly. Rather than try to protect children it is better to be honest with them about what has happened and about your own feelings of grief. Encourage them to talk about their feelings too.
How Long Does The Grieving Process Take?
The grieving process takes time and should not be hurried. How long it takes depends on you and your situation. In general, though, it takes most people one to two years to recover from a major bereavement.
How Can You Cope During This Process?
There are many things you can do to help yourself cope during this time. Ask for help and support from family, friends or a support group, and try to express whatever you are feeling, be it anger, guilt or sadness. Accept that some things, like death, are beyond your control.
Friends can be a precious source of help and comfort at this time. Allow them to help you, for example, looking after other children, taking them to school or helping with shopping or housework. However, do not let them rush you back into a normal routine. The process of grieving may continue for many months and friends may find this difficult to cope with, particularly if they have not faced a similar sadness themselves.
Remember to keep in touch with your doctor. If you are having trouble sleeping your doctor may be able to prescribe tablets that can help or refer you to a counselor if you feel that you need more help in coping with the loss.
How Can You Help A Family Member Or Friend Who Is Grieving?
The best thing you can do is spend time with that person, and listen to them work through their grief. Avoid saying phrases like 'with time, you'll get over this'. This is false comfort and denies the person their need to mourn properly. Offer practical help, such as cooking dinner or shopping for food - when a person is grieving, it is usually hard to focus on everyday tasks. Finally, if the person is reacting in extreme ways for a prolonged period, encourage him or her to seek professional help,
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